Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Attitude about the Formal.

Rant time. Read no further if you have no desire to hear the woes of a slightly strange teenage girl.

I'd rather go to my school formal by myself than with Scary Mc 70s-Sideburns.

If I'm going to the formal with someone, I want it to be a friend. Not some slightly creepy guy that I feel sorry for and know nothing about except that he got hit by a moving vehicle in a church car park once. For all I know he may be a nice person, but his constant staring is really disconcerting. Another problem with going to the formal with a friend is that all my closer male friends either have girlfriends or live overseas. This is the thing about being a girl. You can't just ask a guy to your formal: it's their job. Besides, I'm a chicken so even if girls did ask guys to things like this, I'd end up going by myself anyway. It's kind of depressing for me: the only person who would take me to the formal is the creepy guy who sits in the corner breathing heavily. I feel sorry for the guy though. It's highly unlikely that he'll get a date for the formal. I would go with him but I don't know if I could sacrifice my sanity like that. The person drives me up the wall. I even tried being friends with him several times. And he just behaved like an idiot right back at me. So I hit him over the head with my diary. (That was in year 9, by the way.) I honestly have no idea why he'd ask me. Now that I think about it, it may just be a vicious rumour designed to turn me into a really nasty person or a doormat with no self respect. I want to have fun at my formal! I want to be beautiful and have a nice, long, swishy dress and laugh and talk with my friends and take photos. Is that too much to ask? Am I being nasty in not wanting to go with fuzzy-sideburns-kind-of-scary guy?

I'd appreciate your thoughts on this.

Love, Elise

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Empty Words, Broadband and Dell

Here's a smorgasbord of unrelated topic-mixing for you.

This is something I often find myself doing, and I'm rather ashamed of it. I have a horrible habit of filling the air with (often meaningless) words. When there's meaning, I suppose it's not so bad. The problem is really when I ramble on about nothing in particular, or worse, about everything that comes to mind, every second.

I have a friend who has taught me to think about what I say before I say it, though I do not know if he himself knows he has. To him, I'm exceedingly grateful, because (hopefully), I sound less of an airhead than I did a year ago. I think it's because he points out when I say stupid, ignorant, un-thought-about,empty words. He never does it in a spiteful or nasty manner, either, nor in a way that would embarrass. This friend is a massive blessing, and I'm glad I have had the chance to get to know him a little more over the last year or so. So to my friend, thank you, I really appreciate this invaluable ( and perhaps subconscious) lesson.

In other news, I am informed that I am too cynical and sarcastic for my own good. Thus, I have decided to go on a cynicism diet (as in, cutting down). Here's hoping it works. For the record, I am only sometime cynical. When I am, the quips come thick and fast and I think my family gets sick of it.

Also I have been sick, have a nose not unlike a tap and currently go between sounding like a frog and not having any voice at all. I spent pretty much the whole long weekend bed-ridden, and got up for school today. Hurray for Codral! I got some more of my painting done today.

I also found my most favourite beanie!

Some of my friends on the teenLUG IRC channel have been teaching me about Chavs. I tried talking like a Chav today. It was fun, but I couldn't do it: I kept sounding Jamaican. Mon.

A certain member of the household *cough-MY-SISTER-cough* used up our entire monthly bandwidth allowance within 21 days, watching sailor moon on YouTube. The family was not happy, Jan. [the link explains this widely used Australian phrase.] Then, at the end of our contract with them, our internet provider Optus started screwing around with our plan and payments and eventually decided on offering us an oh-so-generous 2GB (including uploads) plan for 15c per MB. This totalled to $300 a month. Dad was so annoyed that he momentarily forgot it was Bec's fault we were on speeds slower than dialup. And so was everyone else. Therefore, on the 11th of June, tomorrow I believe, we switch over to super speedy broadband with Internode. They are (so far) a lot nicer to deal with. Yay for Internode!

I used to say "I want an Eee" several times a week. Probably daily. However, no more! Since i found out that Xandros did a deal with the devil Microsoft, and also since I discovered Dell's new Mini-Note, my tune has changed. I want a Dell! The Inspiron Mini (that's the proposed name) is, so far as we all know, even more awesomely awesome than the Eee PC. It has a larger screen, more memory, runs Ubuntu instead of Xandros and has all the trimmings of the Eee (webcam, speakers, usb ports, etc) while looking less like a toy (though I do like the chunky, no-nonsense, slightly awesome look of the Eee). Don't get me wrong, I still love the Eee. I just love the Inspiron thingy more, now. All that said, I would prefer either to the Mac Air. Yay Linux! I feel an Eee-Dell comparison blog coming on. Maybe later when we have more information about the Dell and I can actually look at one for myself. I might hunt up some details after I've posted this, in fact.

Anyway, I would say that this is long enough for now. I don't want my blog to start filling up with empty, meaniless words.

That would be boring.

Love, Elise

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Feeling Inadequate?

Okay, I am feeling right now that my blog is grossly inadequate in comparison to the standards of the blog world. Why? Let me explain. I may even use dot points. Or not.

Firstly. I have being reading other people's blogs. Though mine is (usually) written in coherent English, it does not seem nearly so awe-inspiring as others which I have read. I have friends with blogs who are a good example. Their blogs are pretty amazing: precise, succinct, and brilliantly articulated! Then, we look at my second entry, written at some unearthly time of day and published at a saner hour to make it look like the internet is not my life. (Which it isn't.) All those inadequate feelings come rushing in. It's not just in blogging where these feelings can come from. Whether I am painting, drawing, singing, speaking to someone, baking a cake, reading out loud, changing a light bulb, lifting a box or cutting foam for TAFE, I get that inadequate feeling. It happens particularly when there are people around with which to compare myself with, or when there are people around who will compare me to others. And it leaves me wishing I could do better. So I try. From that observation I cultivated this thought: feelings of inadequacy are human nature. Through this feeling, one of two things can occur. Make that three.

: We can sit on our backsides, wallowing in self-pity.

: We can accept our limits and work with them.

: We can work harder, develop our skills and abilities, and reach our full potential.

I, personally, am a fan of number three. So I will work on my writing skills! I will develop my blogging abilities! Then, my blog will reach its full potential. And I will be pleased.

I suppose feeling inadequate is not really such a bad thing, if it prompts you to aim higher and become better. Though inadequacy is a painful feeling, it drives us to reach levels we would not have even attempted without it.

Having said this, one should not change one's character because they don't fit in or conform with society. By all means, have a shower and look after your cat and be nice to your little sister. But don't think that you're not good enough because you don't wear Christian Dior perfume or own DKNY jeans. Believe me, trying to fit in is more painful than being yourself. And being yourself is so much more fun!

Like always...

Love, Elise :)